if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
