im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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