my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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