he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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