Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
