so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
