I just pynch a tree in the face
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
