its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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