and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
