he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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