After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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