that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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