The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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