She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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