people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
