She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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