My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
