At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's like iHOP with fire
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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