oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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