He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
