Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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