oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
