Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
