hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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