you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
