that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
