Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
