so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
