I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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