when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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