Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
