I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
