Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
