too bad you live with your parents still
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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