Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
false alarm. still invincible.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
