You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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