Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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