I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
