just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
