Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
