Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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