Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
