Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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