I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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