Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
