there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
