what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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