I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
