I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
