I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
