I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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