so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
