Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
