so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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