Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
