guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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