He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
