i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
