I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
